dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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