i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
