Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
