Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
