Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
