i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
