Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
