I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
