actually, I'm a sock model
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
