how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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