i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
