This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
