So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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