i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
