I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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