I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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