Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
