So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
