he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So much rum. So many feels.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
