He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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