I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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