do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
