Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize