i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
