My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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