somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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