i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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