and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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