You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
