At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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