I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
