just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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