R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
