It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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