she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
