it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
