I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
