Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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