Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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