The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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