goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
