covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
