How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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