He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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