I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Vodka?
Forever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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