I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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