Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
