Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
