Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
