Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
