I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
