I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
