Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize