i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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