Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
