I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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