How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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