My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
