how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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