I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
