your room smells of hookers.
And success
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
