You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize