we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
