so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
