i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
