I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You may now shotgun with the bride
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
