Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
