So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
