Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
