I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I want to fling myself into the sun
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
