i wish my penis had a tongue
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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