he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
did i just pee glitter
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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